I just read the New York Times articles by Hilary Stout titled For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking. It a good read and references a few people that I just recently met like Devra Runner from Parentopia (she is adorable and looks just like her Twitter avatar – which is what I told her at Blogalicious).
In fact here is a direct quote from the article:
To research their book “Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids,” the three authors, Devra Renner, Aviva Pflock and Julie Bort, commissioned a survey of 1,300 parents across the country to determine sources of parental guilt. Two-thirds of respondents named yelling — not working or spanking or missing a school event — as their biggest guilt inducer.
“What blew us away about that is that the one thing you really have ultimate control over is the tone of your voice,” said Ms. Pflock, a child development specialist.
This is absolutely true. In a perfect world. Now I am not saying that I disagree with them at all. But…my name is Stacie. I am a mother of three children ages 6, 4, and 2. I work full time. I write. I am stressed. I am overwhelmed. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I yell. And sometimes I just don't have control of my voice. I wish that I did. My husband wishes that I did.
Another quote in the article goes on to state:
Parental yelling today may be partly a releasing of stress for multitasking, overachieving adults, parenting experts say.
“Yelling is done when parents feel irritable and anxious,” said Harold S. Koplewicz, the founder of the New York University Child Study Center. “It can be as simple as ‘I’m overwhelmed, I’m running late for work, I had a fight with my wife, I have a project due — and my son left his homework upstairs.’ ”
One of my favorite parts of the article are the comments from readers. Do I wish that I didn't yell? Of course. It is a source of my mommy guilt? Absolutely. A HUGE source. I would love an alternative. But there are hundreds of readers just like me.
Want to read the article for yourself? Look over on the left sidebar and click the JuiceBox Jungle widget. That click will take you there.
So are you a yeller? Tell us how you handle stress and parenting.
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I am a yeller, which is so frustrating, because when I’m able to control myself and speak reasonably I am able to get the kids to respond so much better. I know that, but sometimes it’s just so frickin’ hard. 🙂
i lose my patience also at times, and try as i might i end up raising my voice too…and regret it afterwards.
Truly, i am trying very much not to do that anymore because i noticed my 4 yr old doing the same whenever i do. you know them, they imitate! now, i have learned to do the “ignoring” that makes her know i am not pleased with what she did. it is as effective. But there are certain times that i need her to face the wall or sit in a corner while i glare at her 😉 that makes her cry and really be sorry.
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Who me? Yell? Well… I don’t do it very often, but like the article says, I tend to raise my voice when everything is falling down around me and my kids aren’t listening to me. (Like saying to one of my kids 9 times to go brush their teeth.) A mom can only take so much before bursting!
I am not usually a yeller, and even though I feel like I do yell a lot with stressed my daughter often reminds me that I don’t yell nearly as much as her Dad (my ex BF). I know when I am overwhelmed I do one of two things: Raise my voice alot (yell) OR I act completely silly with the kids.
I believe I act silly more than yell when overwhelmed and since my daughter often is found reminding me that I truly do not yell as much as I thought I did.
I do agree when you are stressed out it’s hard to control your tone!
I am a yeller. Not so much my kids, they are 8 months, but mostly hubby. And I know he wishes I could control my voice and tone.
I only had one child and I was less a yeller than a counter. I probably counted to 100 a gazillion times. I wouldn’t react to whatever it was that was stressing me until I had better control than to start yelling. I am not sure not yelling is a solution . I tended to hold things in & when I was at an uncontrollable point, my consequences ( grounding taking priveleges ) was likely more harsh.
I think if I had just yelled sometimes it might have evened out!
Oh, so guilty! And I feel miserable when I lose control like that. Anxiety is a big issue here… trying so hard to do better!
I am a yeller and my husband is and our poor kids are….but heres the thing, I can be sailing along fine and then answer the same question 37 times or talk to the same kid(3 boys) about hitting his brothers 4 or 5 times and then my patience goes out the window and I turn to said child and likely at the top of my lungs ask if he can hear me now because he has clearly ignored me for the first several times I spoke.