ORIGINALLY POSTED ON AUGUST 2, 2009
It was on this day two years ago, that my youngest child went under the knife. Laurel, now two, had open heart surgery to correct a heart defect that she was born with called Tetralogy of Fallot.
The second that she was rolled into surgery, I felt as if my own heart was ripped out of my body. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't function. I couldn't imagine my life without this four month old being who I had become so connected with. I would have given her my heart in a second if it would have made a difference.
There was not enough Valium, Xanax or anything else that my doctor's tried to give me that could prepare me for the actual day of surgery. I am a fairly optimistic person. I pride myself on being able to see the bright side of most situations.
On this day, two years ago, there was no bright side. No silver lining. No sun. No new day. There was nothing. I was trapped in time for several hours where all I could hear were my own negative thoughts. Where I could only relive my own worst fears over and over and over.
This is the first anniversary of Laurel's heart surgery in 2008.
I felt feel responsible for her heart defect. I always have. I cannot help but think that if I had done something different during my pregnancy, anything different, that my daughter would have been born without this hole in her heart. Without this defect that put her under the knife and at risk to lose her life. I could be responsible for the death of my beautiful child.
Guilt is a horrible, mind numbing, time consuming thing that can take over your life. I know because it happened to me.
My daughter came out of surgery and did very well. She ended up not eating so I spent three weeks in the hospital with her after that but that was a minor setback in the whole scheme of things.
But it was the day after my daughter's surgery that I made a promise to myself. Rather than focus on the surgery itself, I would revel in the day. This was the day that changed her life. The day where she no longer had to be hooked up to machines 24/7 at our house. The day where she became free. I became free as much as I could from the guilt.
Every year on the date of her surgery we celebrate. We celebrate the strength of this beautiful little girl. We celebrate the amazing doctors and nurses who we could NEVER EVER thank enough. We celebrate our complete family and we celebrate each other.
So happy heart day everyone! This is a big day for us. Our entire family.
This year we celebrated by making a cookie cake.
Laurel had to pose after she heard the camera come out.
Mommy Felt Better After She Made Everyone Put on Their Cooking Aprons
The Finished Product. Frosted Cookie Cake Complete Topped With Heart Cookies. Corny? Yes But It Gave The Kids A Chance To Put Sprinkles On Something!
Laurel Had to Strip Down After Her Second Piece of Cookie Cake. She Loves Cookies or "Coo Coo's as She Calls Cookies."
I wrote this post on August 2nd which was the actual day of the celebration and for some reason it stayed as a draft. I am not sure why but I still wanted to share our wonderful day and the reason we celebrate.
Essential Strategies to Keep Your Kids Safe from Household Hazards Before becoming a parent, poison control was never a concern. Now, as a mother, child safety from household hazards is a constant worry....
Did you know that every day, more than 2,800 U.S. kids try their first cigarette? That is over one million kids trying cigarettes each year! Tobacco use is costing moms and families across the...
Marriage is not an easy proposition. In fact, it is one of the most difficult things two people can do successfully. Marriage is work and successful marriages have two people who know that. With...
I have been having nightmares lately. Pretty bad ones. All from an experience that I had last month. All about death. Me dying. My kids dying. Kind of like a bad movie on an...
God certainly blessed you all and what a wonderful way to celebrate. It broke my heart when I saw the top picture of your precious baby, but the happy little 2 year old more than made up for it, so Happy Heart Day to all of you.
Watching your child go through surgery is one of the toughest things to endure! My daughter has had a few surgeries herself and I always wish I could change places with her. Thankfully she is healthy now too! Glad to hear you celebrate this day and that she is doing so well.
I’m going to IzeaFest as well and hopefully we can meet there!
I can see why you celebrate–it’s a miracle, isn’t it?! I’m glad she is a happy, healthy little girl.
Wow, that is a tough story and you definitely have every reason to celebrate! Your daughter is absolutely beautiful!
I’m glad you published it anyway! Happy Heart Day, even if it is a little late. I’m glad your gorgeous girl pulled through so well – she’s such a beauty! God challenges in ways we can’t imagine before we have children – or something happens to one of those children, huh?
And stop feeling guilty…that’s like feeling guilty because the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. How logical is that?! You have enough on your plate – and life’s too short to have guilt over something you can’t control, didn’t ask for, and had the guts to fix. Rather than guilt, know you are Super Mom for doing everything you’ve done…aren’t we all Super Mom, just for getting through the day?? xx
Happy Heart Day:) I am so glad to see her sweet smiling face. I can only imagine how special this day is.
I’m glad you published the story even if it is up later than planned. Laurel is a beautiful child and you are so blessed to have her with you. I think celebrating Heart Day is such a good idea. It puts such a positive spin on the situation. So Happy Heart Day to Laurel and all your family.
BTW, I love the cookie cake. How can it be considered corny when your children made it with love? God bless you!
What a wonderful celebration, and a great occasion to celebrate 🙂
God bless you dear…
I’m glad you posted, b/c this subject matter remains relevant and important. Thank you so much for posting! One of my younger brothers was also born with Tetralogy of Fallot. By the time he was 3, he had 3 heart surgeries, and at one point, was pronounced clinically dead, only to “come back” and survive. Now he’s a 27-year-old IT Specialist who happens to also be a martial artist, parkor trainer, and overall super-healthy guy! So, here’s to watching your beautiful babies grow and thrive despite early set-backs.
I think that is a fabulous thing to celebrate!! I think you should shout it from the top of the hilltops.
So a very happy (even if belated) heart day to your whole family!!!
God bless you all!
Happy Heart Day to all of you! I can’t imagine what that must of been like. I’m sure you’ve been told “It’s not your fault” but as a mother it’s hard to separate those feelings. It’s so wonderful that you can celebrate the day and make it special, I hope it helps to ease your guilt.
I can’t even imagine. What a precious little girl.. and I am so happy to see her looking so healthy and happy!
What a miracle! I would celebrate too if I were you. She’s a beautiful little girl.
I’m so glad you found this post and shared it. What a special day.
Happy belated heart day and yummy on the chocolate cake!! This is a wonderful share and I too am so glad you let all of us join in!!
Dear Stacie – what a lovely story. As someone who has a very near&dear to me story much like “heart day,” i feel that the inspiration you drew from what was so scary & terrifying was so wonderful! Thank you for sharing this story. It brought a smile to my face.
I could not even imagine what you and your family had to go through on that day. I am so glad everything turned out wonderful for your beautiful daughter. Passing on Blessings and more Blessings
Take Care
Stina:-)
Hi there, just responding to your MBC reply. Your little girl is so lovely. Your post really struck a chord with me. My baby will need to have a 9.5 hour surgery at some point…it was originally scheduled for this past June, but then aborted due to additional complications. You are an inspiration and I hope I will be as strong as you when the time come.
very inspiring story!
its amazing how great these little survivors do.
my twins were born 7 weeks early! Although much milder problems..but we got taste of nicu for 3 weeks.
it is my honor that i got to retweet this beautiful post.
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing story!
How wonderful it must be to celebrate such a day! You have such lovely little girls!
she is beautiful and I am in tears. DO NOT feel guilty. It is not your fault!!
Beautiful post. I’m so glad she’s doing so well now. I can’t imagine how terrifying that would have been.
I’m following from MBC Under 100. I’m looking forward to reading more!
wow, brought me to tears. I have seen my son through two surgeries, but nothing like open heart. I’m sorry you felt, or still feel, guilty, and I am sure no matter what I say you still will, but you are a great momma. You can just feel the love in your words.
Awww, Happy Heart Day! Lovely story you are sharing with us, thank you!
I had guilt the first time my daughter got an ear infection, I cried because I thought it was caused by some error on my part (can you tell I am a first time mom?). I can not possibly imagine the pain and guilt that you felt after such an ordeal. I am so glad everything has worked out. Thank you for sharing.
Visiting over from the Sisterhood. So great to see your little girl doing so well. My cousin’s baby had a heart transplant about 2 weeks ago and is doing well. So glad things have worked out well for your little lady!!
Wonderful!!!!!
Wow, what a beautiful story. bless your adorable girl and all of you for what you went through. It makes each day more precious!
Following you from MBC!
It must have been a tough journey! Glad that things are progressing well. Take care!
What a wonderful post! Happy heart day and thanks for the follow.
Wow. Guilt can indeed be crippling. So glad your baby is ok and growing beautifully.
What a heart-warming wonderful uplifting story
This is a very touching post! I’m so happy Laurel’s doing well 🙂
Oh Stacie! What a beautiful post! And your daughter is beautiful! Congratulations on another celebration! I can’t wait to see how you all celebrate next year! 🙂
Very moving!
As an echocardiographer, I understand and feel the urgency of getting this defect taken care of. Thankfully you had awesome surgeons to repair the tetralogy of fallot defect. This is one that has a really good prognosis as long as it is caught early and repaired with no complications.
Bless you
O my gosh what a story. Congratulations on your very happy day.
Lucy
This was a very touching post. Glad it worked out.
You have such a beautiful daughter! I can just imagine how you must have felt that time. I know mothers go through horrible things when their children’s lives are at stake. No more than high fever on my boys can agitate me no end.
God blessed you with beautiful kids and am sure, you are very grateful and happy for having them.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful story of strength and love.
What a beautiful daughter! Such an inspiration!!! I’m a new follower from MBC!!! Thanks for visiting my blog !
Wow! What a powerful post! I am always so thrilled for happy endings to medical challenges. You must know that you could have done nothing to prevent that hole. Your little girl is a fighter.
Oh my gosh, I had NO IDEA!
What a precious, special little girl you have (and she is sooooooo cute).
It’s a little late, but HAPPY HEART DAY!
that baby photo with surgery saddens me 🙁
You are truly blessed by God!
Happy belated Heart day. Thanks for sharing your story. You sound like a strong mama!
Happy Heart Day Laurel! Thanks for sharing this Stacie and please know that you were in no way responsible for your priceless jewel having the congenital heart defect known as Tetralogy of Fallot. As a nurse, I’ve seen so many different conditions, ailments, illnesses, diseases, etc.
It’s more of a miracle to have an absolutely perfect baby than many people realize. So many things can occur during the gestational period (nobody’s to fault). Just enjoy every moment of every hour of every day of every year of the rest of your life loving them.
Awwww, congratulations!!!!!! 🙂
What a wonderful post. Laurel is beautiful!
Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your blog! There is an award waiting for you at:
http://dealightfullyfrugal.blogspot.com/2009/09/one-lovely-blog-award.html
It is amazing how so much changes. I am glad she is doing well. 🙂 I can not even begin to image the horror and pain you went through that aweful day. I am glad everything turned out good.
God is truly great! I pray that you have many many healthy years with your little one. She is beautiful.
Stop by my blog http://twolittlemonkeysplushubby.blogspot.com/
I have the One Lovely Blog Award for you!
I teared up reading this. How hard on you and her…but how wonderful she is doing well. Look at that cute face! What a cute cake….made with love. 🙂
Your story is so heartbreaking! I teared up reading and was so happy to find she survived and is a normal happy kid now! Watching your kids go thru any surgery is hard for any parent to do.
Your daughter has 2 special days to celebrate, the day she was born and the day she became free!
Happy Heart Day (even if it’s late)!
she looks so fragile! it really is heartbreaking to see your own child suffering. i’m glad she’s ok now! i’m happy for you!
Wow, this just took my breath away. I don’t know that I could ever go through a day like that in my child’s life…I can only begin to imagine how hard that was for you.
But you do have so much to celebrate, she’s absolutely beautiful!
Every day is a Happy Heart Day 🙂 Happy Heart Day, Laurel.
This goes to show how different we are as mothers.
I admire you for being able to write about this on your blog. I can’t do it. Yes I can agree with you that it was a worrysome experience when our Elisabet hade open-heart surgery when she was one week old. And the first three or four months of her life were not at all the delight I had imagined it would be when I was expecting her. But I cannot bring myself to write about it on any of my three blogs. It is only when I read something that other mothers write about their heart-children that I sometimes leave a comment.
I felt numb when she was in the operation room. And I wept openly tears when we met other parents and heard about children who had much worse conditons than our Elisabet, who “only” had a narrowing of the pulminary valv. So far, it seems to have only required one operation. But since she was only a week old and her heart was the size of a plum, it required open-heart surgery.
What I am trying to say is that you have a lot of courage to celebrate her operation. I think about Elisabet’s heart all the time, but I very seldom speak about it. And she was too little for her to remember it the way we do.
I can well understand why this post remained a draft! It is not easy stuff to write about! There was a counselor at the hospital who encouraged me to write about Elisabet while I was there with her, but nothing I wrote from that time makes any sense today. I had to go to meetings with different medical people and had to pump my breasts to give her milk that was poured down a tube to her stomach, because she didn’t have the strength to nurse. At first, I hade nothing to write with, no paper to write on. My husband, who had no understanding of what I was going through, would not buy me a note pad.
Afterwards the memory of everything we went through is still very clear, but I can’t put an exact date on anything other than the operation and her emergency -christening the evening before.
Yes, in a way, I celebrate my daughter’s survival. To myself, my own way. Maybe that’s why I use her face so much on my blog. I am still amazed that she’s here.
Wishing you the very best,
Christina Wigren
Wow, Stacie! You certainly have every reason to celebrate that beautiful little girl. ((hugs))
I feel in love with your blog; so I wanted to give you the “One Lovely Blog Award”. Please come over and check it out http://www.womanandmom.blogspot.com:-)
Have a Great Day!!!
My what a touching story, and a miracle. My own baby boy had that same birth defect and as I was reading your post, I started to get those feelings again. My little guy gave up the fight at 9 mos old in 1992, and I know that he is heaven. God Bless.
Oh Netta, I am so sorry! Reading your comment brought tears to my eyes.
Sometimes I forget how lucky we are. I am truly sorry about your little boy.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I tried to leave you a comment yesterday, but my computer decided to act up. I can’t imagine what that was like to go through. I think it is great that you celebrate each year. Hugs.
omg this post teared me up. your daughter is so beautiful and you’re a great mom!
Take that guilt you feel and tell it to shove it! You have a beautiful daughter (who loves Dora!) and a beautiful family. NO ONE does everything perfect…I don’t care what they try to tell you. Guilt has a tendency to leave people helpless…careful of that feeling.
I was so excited to meet you at Type A! Your daughter was an angel, and I would have never known she had any problems when she was younger. My cousin had something very similar when she was a baby. They fixed it the same way and today she is superwoman. You’re a good mom…remember that!
Take that guilt you feel and tell it to shove it! You have a beautiful daughter (who loves Dora!) and a beautiful family. NO ONE does everything perfect…I don’t care what they try to tell you. Guilt has a tendency to leave people helpless…careful of that feeling.
I was so excited to meet you at Type A! Your daughter was an angel, and I would have never known she had any problems when she was younger. My cousin had something very similar when she was a baby. They fixed it the same way and today she is superwoman. You’re a good mom…remember that!
Hi
Loved your post so glad everything has turned out fine for you and your family. I think the unknown is always scary my dad had a quadruple bypass last year and that was scary !!! My daughter was in and out of hospital as a little one too and as a mum you just want to trade places with them so they dont get hurt,scared,frightened and as an adult you never feel more helpless. Hug your children and tell them you love them everyday.
Wow, you would never know looking at her now that she was a sick baby! Don’t blame yourself sweetie , there are things in life that we can’t control.I think you area awesome and celebrating each year is a great thing! Happy Heart Day !
Oh my goodness! I am so happy for you that everything turned out good. She is such a little beauty! Congrats on a good outcome, a beautiful daughter and family and many years of healthy happiness! (((hugs)))
Thank you for sharing this story, and that would definitely be a day to celebrate. She looks so healthy and happy now, you would never know just by looking at her, what a strong girl!
What a wonderful thing to celebrate! My little girl has multiple tiny holes in her heart but they don;t think they will have to operate. She has 2 cardiologist appointments every year that make me nervous every time. I can’t even imagine how you must have felt! Now following from MBC btw!
I couldn’t imagine what you went through. I’m so glad you get to celebrate!
Wow, it is so cool that she is 2 and you can tell this happy story!
Your blog kicks my blog’s butt! I love it!! I am really looking fwd to having you as my momdot team leader 🙂
What a beautiful miracle of a little girl you have. I’m so happy to hear that her surgery was successful and that she is free of machines. I also have a 5 year old who has had two surgeries under her belt already. I know how you feel when you watch your child suffer with these disabilities and they are forced to go through surgery. It’s heart breaking. Thanks for sharing you wonderful story.
What a great post.
I left you a blog award!
htt://mommylovesgiveaways.blogspot.com
what an absolutely wonderful reason to celebrate!
Happy Heart Day to your beautiful little lady.
My little man’s heart day is fast approaching too, we will be celebrating 7 happy years. He has had further surgery in that time, but none as major as that first time. Unfortunately we face more surgery some time soon, but we are just happy he is doing so well for the time being, thats all that is important right now.
What a wonderful story of your little darling. This is a blessing and indeed a miracle! Celebrate each day and each year with her together with your family 🙂
Wow! That was one of the best stories I have read in a while. I am so proud of you for even recognizing what the guilt was doing to you. That is the first step in releasing ourselves from the negative feelings that often hurt us the most and many of us can’t even do that. You overcame your fears and next time, you will probably do even better. Life is progress, not perfection.
Thank you for sharing this. My daughter was falsely tested positive for a disease a few months ago and since then I have had a new appreciation for health and how precious it is.
She is certainly beautiful and a reason to celebrate!
trisha
I could only imagine what you went through Mama! She is such a cutie pie!
What a scary thing to go through. I am glad she is doing well now.
What an amazing thing to celebrate! So glad she is healthy and happy! And you really shouldn’t blame yourself for anything, I’m sure you’re an amazing momma!
I know exactly how you feel. I had a young cousin who underwent open heart surgery several times when she was younger due to the three holes that she had in her heart. It was heartbreaking for the entire family, but she is 16 years old and is happy and healthy. You are blessed and your baby girls is beautiful.
Take care,
Shynea
I can only imagine what that must have been like. What a great celebration post! She is beautiful!
omgosh, I can’t even imagine. I’m so glad she made it through. She’s absolutely adorable!
She is so strong. Stronger than most. I would celebrate too. She looks great. Cherish her!
Awe! Happy heart day! I can’t imagine!! Here’s to many many more heart days to come!! xoxo, Sarah
That is great that you celebrate it every year. You shouldn’t feel guilty about her condition though. God Bless your daughter and wish you the best!
You must be so strong, what a wonderful way to celebrate!
What a wonderful heartwarming story 🙂
I’m crying reading this post. Glad to see that she’s healthy and all turned out ok. I could never imagine the thoughts that played through your head that day.
SHe is beautiful and deserves every Happy Heart day celebration Beautiful cake
It’s so touching, she is really God’s gift. Happy Haert day. God bless.
Thank you for sharing this story. It has made me moregrateful for the health of my own children. I am so happy for you and your family that everything has ended well. She is beautiful! Happy Heart Day(everyday!!!)
Continued blessings to your family. Your little girl is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story. As I read your story a song came to mind…”Overjoyed” by Stevie Wonder. I am overjoyed your little girl is doing well and enjoying her coo-coo’s. Much Love!
She is such a strong little girl and so beautiful. I can’t imagine what you have gone through, but I am so glad that everything has turned out so well. It is definitely a day worth celebrating!
Happy Heart Day to you! Definitely a cause of celebration that open hear surgery was a success for your beautiful little girl!
Happy Heart Day! (although I do believe it’s belated) As a fellow heart mom I know what you’re going through and although my son passed away before he finished with all his surgeries to correct his heart condition I know many families who celebrate the birthday of their fixed hearts.
Aura,
I have tears my eyes writing this because I know how truly lucky we are. I am so sorry about your son.
Stacie
Oh wow, what a story! Glad to see you had a happy heart day. And thanks for visiting my blog.
Wow! I am so glad you have a heart day to celebrate. Happy, happy heart day. You have a beautiful family and I hope every moment that passes you’ll feel the guilt less and less.
Happy Heart Day. I praise God for your family.
Oh wow. What an amazing story. 😀
What a wonderful story. I lost a baby at 20 weeks pregnant due to a birth defect and so I know the whole guilty scenario wondering what I did wrong. I am so glad yours had a happy ending.
An amazing story. The first picture was a bit shocking but she looks really healthy and happy now.
Happy Heart Day! What a great way to celebrate such a precious life 🙂
A Lil Enchanted,
~LaShan~
I gave you a blog award. You can find it here:
http://ridingwithjessica.blogspot.com/2009/10/best-blog-award.html
So glad that you posted this. What an amazingly difficult experience that must have been for everyone in your family but somehow nothing like what it is for a mom. So glad that everything is going so well for the little pumpkin. She’s adorable and just glows like I’m sure you do when you look at her. A belatd congrats on her heart day!
What a great and wonderful blessing you received two years ago! Congratulations, and HAPPY HEARTS day to you, your daughter, and the whole family 🙂
I cannot imagine what it was like to sit through that surgery. It’s so true what they say about once you’re a mother, you go around with your heart outside your body.
I love that you celebrate that day each year (and that each day is a gift). Fabulous post. Adorable kids 🙂
Enjoy your SITS Day!
Happy Heart Day indeed! Of course you celebrate with cake. Is there any other way? And Happy SITS Day, too!
Enjoy the comment love today,
Hanneke
That is awesome that she is all better, and no longer hooked up to machines. Love that you celebrate that day each year.
It is always scary when ones children go under the knife. But heart surgery is a different story, because that can go another way…I’m so glad it turned out well and your outlook on that day is a positive one.
She’s so beautiful. I love reading a happy ending. Kids – it’s the most vulnerable thing when they are sick. A friend of mine has a son with a heart defect. He just turned four and he’s doing great so I get it a little bit about appreciating each day.
I’ve been more or less blessed concerning the health of my children, but I have worked closely with orphans who have died and have also recently miscarried at 15 weeks so I’m sensitive to these issues.
Anyway – I’m rambling but I’m glad your daughter has a happy heart day!!
(visiting from SITS)
You are so very blessed! Your daughter is beautiful. Thank God that she recovered completely. What a wonderful reason to celebrate!!
I can’t imagine having to go through a surgery with my son. Thank you for being strong enough to share your story with us. I’m so glad that everyone is doing well!
Yes! Keep celebrating not just your daughter’s strength but the entire family’s. What a joy!
Your post was very touching and you are very amazing. My daughter had surgery at 8 weeks old for an inguinal hernia and though it was no where near what you went through, as I read your blog it certainly brought back memories for me.
Hannah
I came across this on the internet and I had to comment because I myself find it amazing to know that I’m not alone with the condition. I was 13 months when I had my first surgery, 22 months for my second and 11 years old for my third. I am very happy for you and your family for being blessed with such a strong little girl 😀 I’m now 20 and still living a very healthy life 😀 All the best wishes for you and your little girl 😀
Thanks for commenting Katelyn. I am thrilled to hear that you are well and living a healthy life. That is something that I seem to constantly worry about with my daughter! I appreciate you sharing! 🙂
Pingback: Building Hearts to Save Lives with BIOLIFE4D Printable Heart Technology
Pingback: 25 Small Ways to Find More Happiness in Life | Optimist